Categories
Daily Inspiration

The Power of Positivity: How to Use Positive Thoughts to Get What You Want in Life

Have you read the book, The Secret, or seen the film? I saw the Netflix special though I have yet to read the book. The basis behind, The Secret, is that everything that happens in your life, good or bad, you are attracting with your thoughts. You want to be rich, think about being rich, visualize yourself with lots of money and how you will feel when you have that money. You want to find the love of your life? Think about all of the qualities of the person you want. Visit places where you might find that person, speak about that person as if they are already there. Sound crazy? To some it might, but if you’ve spent your whole life doing the opposite, thinking about all of the bills you have and lack of money, saying you will never find your soulmate, being down on yourself about any and everything, what’s the harm in trying something new? Let me tell you a story, actually a few stories about how I used the power of positivity to get what I wanted, or perhaps it was all coincidence, either way, it worked and still does.

When I was in high school there were four boys in my math class that I absolutely could not stand. They were rude, mean and made it their job to in some way do something to irritate me every single day in class. I literally could not stand being in their presence. So instead of me focusing on how much I hated having these boys around me, I started pretending they weren’t even there. I would ignore their every action and focus on the things and people I did like in that class. Within a few weeks of me doing this, literally every single boy that bothered me was out of that class. One of them moved, one got kicked out of the school and I have no idea what happened to the other one, but he was gone and I was happy. This particular thing has happened to me several times in my life. As an adult there have been people that my friends have been friends with that I felt extremely uncomfortable around. Aside from avoiding interactions with them, I’ve visualized them no longer being around and either they have physically moved, or my friend saw what I saw in them and stopped talking to them.

Sometimes it’s hard to stay positive in the face of opposition, actually it can seem nearly impossible, but if you do it and often, it becomes a habit that is hard to break. You start seeing all of the things you’ve visualized come into fruition and you begin to transform your life for the better. Another time I stayed positive and had an amazing outcome was about four years ago. I was new to LA and was still getting use to the LA poetry scene and trying to find my footing as well as doing as many side hustles as I could to make extra money. I remember I got called to do a focus group, I really didn’t want to go but I needed the money. I wish I could make this same amount of money doing something I love instead of sitting in a stuffy room for 2 and a half hours, I remember thinking to myself.

Moments later I received a text message from a friend from high school who had also relocated to LA. “You do poetry still right?” He asked. We chatted for a bit before he asked me if I wanted to perform for Tyrese for an intimate dinner at his house. I was so excited. He gave me a number to call which I did. The number however was disconnected. For some reason I kept getting ready anyway. The dinner was in less than an hour and I hadn’t even reached the contact person. I called my friend back and let him know what was going on, he gave me a new number which kept going to voicemail. I left a message, got in the shower, did my makeup. The survey time was fast approaching as well. Despite not wanting to go, I needed the money but for whatever reason I kept visualizing myself performing at Tyrese’s house, wondering if he really had a Starbucks in his backyard as I did my makeup. Around 20 minutes before the dinner I finally got a call back from his contact person. “Are you Dope?” Was the only question he asked. “Yea, I’m dope.” Was all I could think to say as I bit my bottom lip hoping I would get this opportunity, moments later I got a text message with the address and information and low and behold, I was getting paid the exact same amount I would have from doing the survey! I hadn’t even considered the fact that I would be getting paid. I literally had spoken what I wanted into existence. I ubered to Tyrese’s house, felt a bit awkward for awhile as there were only a handful of people there and I of course knew no one, and my performance was supposed to be a surprise so I also had to pretend like I actually knew him, or somebody, anybody there. I met a few of the other people he had performing there, some of which have went on to do amazing things in entertainment, performed, ate an amazing meal prepared by his personal chef, listened to stories around his fire pit about triumph and love and divorce and following your dreams, received the biggest hug from Tyrese, received my payment and ended up sticking around his house after he left, fellow shipping with his friends and entertainers and even helped with the dishes.

Despite having no idea what was going to happen, I stayed positive. I kept visualizing myself at his house. I refused to let fear creep in and tell me to just go to the survey. I refused to give up. I kept thinking no matter what, this opportunity is for me and it was and I had a great time.

As I said before, it’s not always easy choosing to think positive but it literally takes as much energy as it does to think negatively. When I am low on money I don’t cry about it. I don’t say woe is me or stare at bills or low balance notifications on my email, in fact I delete them. There is no reason for me to see a notification saying my balance is low if I already know that, that will only breed more low balances. Instead I think about what else I could do to make extra money, feel whatever emotion I would if I had it and go about my day and it always comes. There is always an opportunity for me to make money. In fact, I remember one time I was at the mall low on funds and I saw a dress I really wanted. I knew I didn’t have the money in my account but I just thought, what if? I checked my balance and there was an extra $300 in my account that I had no clue where it came from. It turned out that very day I had received a refund check from somewhere and my mom had deposited it into my account and forgot to call me. In order for this to work, you have to actually believe it and believe that you are deserving of what you want.

1. Ignore things that aren’t aligned with your wants in life

I didn’t like the way the boys were treating me in class, so I took away their power, my attention. I don’t like seeing negative things or accounts so I don’t pay attention to them. When I have the money to pay them, of course I do but if it’s a bill that I can’t pay in full I don’t stare at it all day and allow myself to become stressed. Instead I think about money, in a positive way.

2. Act as if

I could have easily not gotten in touch with Tyrese’s people. They may have found someone else, I could have stopped calling, my friend could have never called me about the opportunity. A million things could have gone wrong but I didn’t care. I didn’t allow myself to get stressed out when the guy wasn’t answering. I could have just went and did the survey. I could have felt like I wasn’t ready and just stayed home. I didn’t though. I kept visualizing myself being there, and eventually I was there, and by the way he does have a Starbucks in his backyard.

3. Focus on the positive

So what you gained five pounds, got cheated on, lost your dog, your kid said they hated you and wished that they were adopted, things happen. By focusing on that, guess what you’ll get —more of it. Focus on the positive. You still aren’t as big as your neighbor, your cat didn’t run away, your kid is probably just going through a mood and will definitely apologize when they want something. Life is funny, great things happen and some pretty horrific things happen as well. When we are focusing on the positive things though, even the negative things don’t seem as bad and we begin to attract more amazing things to our lives.

Today try a few of these tips out. Practice being more positive, focusing on the good, visualizing what you want and disdaining the things that you don’t. I hope you get everything you want!

How do you practice positive thinking?

As always,

Love & light


Ashley

Categories
Healthy Foods & Drinks

5 Foods to Boost your Mood

As a writer it is so important for me to be mindful of the foods I eat. I sit so much during the day and can easily get drained and feel tired from what I eat, so eating heavy foods when I have work to do is a no-go for me. I also have to make sure that what I am eating keeps me feeling light, happy and positive or I can easily drift into not so great moods. In trying to find the perfect balance in my diet with the foods I eat keeping me full, satisfied, positive and being healthy, I discovered these foods that actually can boost your mood. Here are five mood boosting foods!

1. Berries

Berries are actually known to fight depression. I love strawberries and blueberries and they are in heavy rotation in my diet. The best berries typically come from the farmers market, however if you have to buy berries from the grocery store, try to buy organic if you can and soak them in water with a teaspoon or vinegar and baking soda before rinsing and eating. Soaking them removes dirt and bugs from them and gives them a nice deep clean. I either eat berries as is or throw them into a smoothie.

2. Dark green leafy vegetables

Dark green leafy vegetables are also great mood boosters and combat depression.Think spinach, kale, collard greens. The key to getting the most benefit from these vegetables is to do as little manipulation to them as possible. You can eat spinach and kale raw in salads and try to cook collard greens as healthy as possible.

3. Nuts and seeds

Nuts and seeds are great mood boosters. I love snacking on almonds, walnuts, cashews and occasionally sunflower seeds. Nuts are packed with fiber, protein and healthy fats and have amazing long term health benefits. So grab some nuts to snack on at work or perhaps use them to top a smoothie bowl.

1. Green Tea 

If I’m not drinking water, I’m probably sipping on a nice glass of warm tea. Green tea has natural antioxidants that fight against depression as well as anxiety and a ton of other health benefits. Try to start incorporating more tea in your diet and ditch the sugar.

5. Oranges

Oranges are packed with a ton of vitamin C and do a wonderful job at boosting your mood as well as prevents depression and not to mention taste great and are typically able to be purchased just about every season. 

What is your favorite mood boosting food?

As always,

Love & light

Ashley

Categories
Self-Love & Relationships

Breaking Unhealthy Bonds

He calls, you answer. He doesn’t call, you go into crisis mode. He stops calling, you keep calling, texting, insta-stalking, begging and pleading to God to bring back your man, who isn’t really your man but damn sure felt like your man the last three weeks, months or years you spent pretending and hoping he would officially make you his. So how do you get over him? How do you get over the man you shared your heart with, your bed with, your hopes, dreams and aspirations? How do you pretend none of that happened and simply walk away? You don’t. It all happened so why pretend it didn’t? It would be crazy to think someone you had such a deep bond with never existed. Regardless of how he might have made you feel in the end, at one point you had something that felt very real and the only way to get over it is to face it and feel it.

1. Face the facts

Why do we try to pretend that we don’t have feelings? Why do we bottle up everything inside until the moment we’re on our third mimosa at brunch and our friend asks how are we doing, do we decide to break down in an all out snotty, obnoxious crying breakdown? It’s unhealthy to hold in emotions and trust me no one wants to see snot running down your nose when they are trying to enjoy their chicken and waffles at brunch. You have to deal with your emotions and when it happens at that. Don’t busy yourself with work. Don’t pretend everything is ok when it isn’t and don’t jump into another unhealthy relationship. Cry when you want to. Write a note cussing him out if it makes you feel better. Allow yourself to feel the emotions you are going through just don’t stay in that bad place. Don’t get stuck feeling bad, or angry, or mad at yourself. You loved someone or at least it felt like you did and that is normal. Feel what you need to feel and move on. It may take a week, a month or a year to get over but it will be much easier to move on fully when you’ve already dealt with your emotions than if you had of swept them under the rug like they never existed.

2. Love yourself unapologetically

Maybe you messed up with this guy. Maybe you gave too much of yourself while he consistently gave too little. Maybe you carried baggage from your past relationship and put it all on him. Maybe you just weren’t ready for everything he provided. Maybe he didn’t provide enough and you stayed until he left. Whatever it is that happened or didn’t happen you have to forgive yourself and more importantly, love yourself. When we truly love ourselves we don’t allow ourselves to stay in that stuck place for too long because it’s painful and no one wants to cause someone they love pain, because love is not painful. Treat yourself the way you treat a child. You love them even when they spit up on you, when they cry incessantly for hours, even when they pull your hair and tell you that your food tastes disgusting. You love them because as messed up as they are sometimes to you, they are still cute little angels, innocent from the evils of the world. So why don’t you love yourself that way? When you truly love you, you won’t allow someone to repeatedly hurt you and keep coming back. That sounds more like torture to me, but we do it. Time and time again we allow ourselves to be hurt and in case it hasn’t stuck yet, that is not love. Take time to focus on things that make you healthy and bring joy into your life. Get rid of clutter, deep clean your house, light an incense or scented candle, take a twerk class, write a poem, binge watch a ridiculous show on netflix. Whatever it is that equals love in a healthy way, do it.

 3. Move on

Now comes the hard part. The no longer being able to drunk text on Friday night part. The not showing up at his door, or opening yours at 2am part. The ignoring his calls and not watching his insta story part. The excruciating part that has to be done. Breaking the bond. All of that self love stuff sounds good until it’s time to actually do the work. But I promise you can do it. You hate this cycle, that’s why you’re here. You want to let go, as hard as it is, you know it is what’s best. Cutting the cord is not easy but it’s necessary. If you have to block him, do it. If you have to stop drinking to avoid the inevitable drunk text you are bound to send, throw out the wine girl and if you have to change your number, do it! Breaking unhealthy bonds is not easy but neither is constantly running back to a man that you know doesn’t love you. So cut–the–cord. If you need to enlist a friend to yell at you every time you bring up his name, do it!  Trust me your friends are tired of hearing about him anyway they will gladly help. Get out the house, try a new activity, plan a girls night, just get that man out of your head and by all means, out of your bed as soon as possible to fully move on.

Breaking unhealthy bonds is never easy but it is always possible if you are truly ready and willing to move and trust me you have to be ready for any of this to work, if not you will be going through the same cycle all over again.

As always,

Love & light

Ashley

Categories
Women's Health & Wellness

“Can’t You See Ain’t It Clear, I Don’t Care”: 3 Effective Ways To Turn Your Feelings Back On

Some of us are emotionally numb because we have been disappointed so many times. So we start to isolate ourselves from everything and everyone, we pretend like we don’t hear what’s going on around us and we act like somethings don’t phase us. Do this sound familiar? well when we do this the only person we tend to hurt is ourselves. You can not walk around with a chip on your shoulder for so long. This will only cause you more pain and confusion. When you express your emotions there is less confusion, problems get solved, relationships get better and you become a better person. So here are three things you can do that can help you turn your feelings back on.

Go Back For A Second…….. Yes that’s right, go back. Now I’m not saying to dwell on the past but telling a person how you truly feel can sometimes make you feel good. In fact people who often hide their feelings are ones to dwell on the past .This is why it maybe good to contact an ex, an ex friend or a family member to get whatever is on your mind off. You might not always get the response you’re looking for but that’s ok. The purpose of contacting them is not to reconnect or fix anything, or maybe for you it is but it’s to help you heal and to turn your emotions back on. Let’s try this today, contact whoever caused you pain or said something to hurt your feelings and tell them how you feel. Boss up and get it off your chest than let us know at storytimepourtoi@gmail.com how you felt after expressing your feelings. you got this!

Don’t Avoid Your emotions. Instead of avoiding your emotions, deal with it. The next time you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed out hit the brakes. Take some time, a day or so to figure out whats adding on to your stress and what you can do to eliminate the headaches. Get in tune with your feelings as deeply as you can. As soon as you feel any type of emotion whether you are happy or sad let it out. Express how you feel. If you don’t you will eventually develop anxiety or depression. Researchers say women are more likely than men to develop a mental illness such as depression. Not to say that men don’t have to deal with life but women have multiple roles. Some of us are moms, bosses, family caregivers and much more. Often times we handle all of these roles without taking time to get in tune with our feelings. I can relate to this, can you? If so, it’s time to protect your mental health and release whats been killing you inside.

Cry It Out! Laugh it out ! Girl regulate your emotions and cry it out. Don’t be ashamed of your emotions. Those tears only show that you are human. But sometimes you have to laugh before you can cry. Some folks, like my dysfunctional family don’t cry it out. Instead they laugh it out. They put on a movie they can relate to usually a comedy and they laugh. They laugh to stop from crying, this is their way of turning their feelings back on. If you don’t usually deal with your emotions by crying try laughing it out. Do Whatever works for you just don’t avoid your pain, your feelings , your frustration…… or you will end up sick. Mentally.

As we say

Do You Pourtoi,

Categories
Women's Health & Wellness

Are You Struggling With Emotional Numbness? Here’s 3 Effective Ways To Turn Your Feelings Back On

Some of us are emotionally numb because we have been disappointed so many times. So we start to isolate ourselves from everything and everyone, we pretend like we don’t hear what’s going on around us and we act like somethings don’t phase us. Do this sound familiar? well when we do this the only person we tend to hurt is ourselves. You can not walk around with a chip on your shoulder for so long. This will only cause you more pain and confusion. When you express your emotions there is less confusion, problems get solved, relationships get better and you become a better person. So here are three things you can do that can help you turn your feelings back on.

Go Back For A Second…….. Yes that’s right, go back. Now I’m not saying to dwell on the past but telling a person how you truly feel can sometimes make you feel good. In fact people who often hide their feelings are ones to dwell on the past .This is why it maybe good to contact an ex, an ex friend or a family member to get whatever is on your mind off. You might not always get the response you’re looking for but that’s ok. The purpose of contacting them is not to reconnect or fix anything, or maybe for you it is but it’s to help you heal and to turn your emotions back on. Let’s try this today, contact whoever caused you pain or said something to hurt your feelings and tell them how you feel. Boss up and get it off your chest. You got this girl !

Don’t Avoid Your emotions. Instead of avoiding your emotions, deal with it. The next time you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed out hit the brakes. Take some time, a day or so to figure out whats adding on to your stress and what you can do to eliminate the headaches. Get in tune with your feelings as deeply as you can. As soon as you feel any type of emotion whether you are happy or sad let it out. Express how you feel. If you don’t you will eventually develop anxiety or depression. Researchers say women are more likely than men to develop a mental illness such as depression. Not to say that men don’t have to deal with life but women have multiple roles. Some of us are moms, bosses, family caregivers and much more. Often times we handle all of these roles without taking time to get in tune with our feelings. I can relate to this, can you? If so, it’s time to protect your mental health and release whats been killing you inside.

Cry It Out! Laugh it out ! Girl regulate your emotions and cry it out. Don’t be ashamed of your emotions. Those tears only show that you are human. But sometimes you have to laugh before you can cry. If you don’t usually deal with your emotions by crying try laughing it out. Do Whatever works for you just don’t avoid your pain, your feelings , your frustration…… or you will end up sick. Mentally.

As we say

Do You Pourtoi,

Categories
Women's Health & Wellness

5 Ways To Take Care Of Your Mind Body And Spirit

When I was 24 I lost my maternal grandmother to breast cancer. She was an extremely strong woman who worked up until she got sick. She was always up and active and she cooked like her life depended on it. My grandma was bad! I learned so many life lessons from her and was fortunate enough to get to care for her in her final months of life. My great grandmother and paternal grandmother also passed away from health related issues. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder if their health was slightly enhanced would they have been able to live out their final days longer, healthier and stronger. I think about some of my own personal unhealthy habits and I wonder how they will affect my body in the long run.

During the year I lived with my grandmother in Tennessee, I took complete control of my health. I only drank alcohol every few months, worked out twice a day, ate extremely healthy and began cutting meat and dairy out of my diet. I lost 20 pounds in three months healthily, my hair was its longest and strongest and my skin was glowing. Unfortunately, once I moved back to my regular life in Chicago my workouts dissipated and my diet went down the drain. Since then I’ve developed a routine that works for me to stay as healthy inside and out as possible. Here are five ways I stay healthy physically, mentally and emotionally.

1. Eat to live

Eating for me is more than just flavor. Eating is how I honor and take care of my body. Though sometimes I grab the burger instead of the berries, I try to be as healthy as possible with my eating choices. I know that dairy and meat can cause mucus in the body which can ultimately cause sickness and disease, so I avoid them. I feel best when I’ve juiced green vegetables and fruit, eat plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables and drink a ton of water. I also make amazing smoothies and have mastered plant based vegan tacos. When you choose to eat healthier you choose yourself. You choose a sound mind and body, you choose feeling lighter and energetic instead of heavy and lethargic. Eating healthier doesn’t mean substituting flavor it’s about finding and creating new recipes that you like while reintroducing your taste buds to foods that aren’t over saturated in sugar and salt.

2. Work it out

Being a freelancer, I work from home. I can very easily lay in bed or sit on the couch all day writing and just as easily start to feel my legs going to sleep or aching. It’s essential to my health that I get up and move. In order for me to stay in shape I have to exercise. I workout in the morning before I start writing to insure that no matter how hectic my day gets I have already gotten my workout in. I also get up every hour from writing and make sure I do some sort of exercise whether jumping jacks, squats, planks, anything really. I just make sure I am moving and stretching my body. If you sit for hours a day it’s imperative to your health that you exercise your body. Find a routine that works for you and your schedule and get your body moving.

3. Be Kind to yourself

I haven’t always practiced this. There have been times when I’ve did myself injustices by comparing myself to other people. I have put myself down and been negative and ugly to myself. Think about some negative self-talk you may have;

  1. I’m fat
  2. I can’t do it
  3. No one is going to love me like this
  4. She’s prettier than me
  5. I wish I had her hair/body
  6. I’m broke

Whatever it is that you have said to put yourself down or make yourself feel low, you have to stop. When you speak negative things your whole being internalizes it. You start to feel those things, you start to embody it. Instead, love yourself in the now, appreciate every roll, every split end, every broken nail. All of those things make up who you are right now, and though you may not be exactly where you want to be in this very moment, talking trash about yourself sure isn’t going to get you there. Start loving yourself in the now and begin practicing saying positive things about yourself in the mirror every single day until you start to believe them. 

4. Treat yourself

A big part of wellness and self care for me is how I take care of myself. In esthetics school I learned about the importance of skincare and have been treating myself to weekly facials ever since. You can learn about some great skin care tips here. Not only do I give myself facials, I also do diy deep conditioning treatments on my hair atleast once a month if my hair isn’t in braids, transform my bathroom into a mini spa and do flower and oil baths as well as create cute pinterest worthy spreads of fresh cut fruit, water and tea for my breakfast. I don’t wait until I have the funds for an expensive spa trip. I don’t let my hair stay dry until I can get to the salon and I don’t wait for my husband to buy me flowers, I take care of me first.  In order for me to be good for anyone else, I have to be good to myself first. I cater to myself as often as possible and don’t feel guilty for it. Treat yourself to an at home spa, a carefully curated fruit elixir, fresh flowers, a massage, a manicure/pedi. Whatever it is that feels good and is healthy for you, start spending more time doing it. We only have one body and when we treat it nicely the benefits are amazing.

5. Meditate

I won’t lie, it’s not often that you’ll find me sitting legs crossed on a yoga mat breathing in and out as I allow my mind to drift. In fact I say I’m going to meditate often and don’t, not in the traditional sense anyway. Instead, I meditate in many different ways. Before I crack open my laptop or look at my phone in the morning I silently lay in bed. I look over at my husband to see if he’s already awake, I kiss him on the forehead then I pray. I thank God for everything I have been blessed with and the things I know he is working on. I silently say words of affirmation to myself then I get my day started. To me, meditation means simply being in the moment, not allowing anything or anyone else to get in your mind. When I talk to God I am meditating, when I talk to myself, I am meditating, when I am laying in bed, simply being still I am meditating. Before you boggle your mind down with the stress of the world, take a moment to simply be. The more you do this, the more you will be able to alleviate stress and clear your mind. 

There are so many ways to practice wellness and self-care, start working on clearing your mind everyday, eating foods that nourish you, exercising, feeding your mind positivity and treating yourself more often and watch how much happier and healthier you become.

As Always,

Love & light

Ashley

Categories
Daily Inspiration

How to Vibrate higher around negative energy

No matter how many negative people you cut off, you can still be surrounded by negative energy at any given time. You can come across negative energy at work, at the mall, in the street, at your favorite restaurant, pretty much anywhere. So how do you handle it? you can either allow them to lower your vibration or ignore them and continue to vibrate higher. Vibrating higher is always an option for us. Here are five tips to think about before you allow someone to lower your vibration.

Smile

Unfortunately, we have some miserable people in this world, who don’t like to see other people happy. Smile through it all, they hate it. Not only do they hate it but you can’t allow people to get the best of you. That will be like giving them too much power. Remember you are responsible for your own happiness, no one can take that away. SMILE!

Keep it Brief

Shorten your time around these negative nancies. It’s not about giving someone the power to make you leave, it’s about being mentally strong and knowing when it’s time to go. Once you feel the energy in the room is changing or something bad might happen, that’s when you know it’s time to go. Listen to your gut and protect your energy by any means necessary. As you leave the room make sure you leave with a graceful exit.

No reaction is the best reaction 

Sometimes people will purposely do or say things to get a reaction out of you. Don’t react. Instead, stay calm and think positive. By thinking positive you’re preventing yourself from stooping down to their level and lowering your vibration. If you should respond, respond with kindness. If this doesn’t work changing the subject will. Have you ever been at a table with people who love to gossip but when you mentioned something everyone was interested in, like money or new job opportunities; now everyone is open ears. Yes, turn a bad conversation into a good one, it seems to always work.

Meditation

Meditation strengthens your spirit and aura. When you are spiritually strong you are more likely to handle certain situations in a positive way. Another good thing about practicing meditation is that it allows you to connect with your higher self, this can shake off any bad energy around. So before you start your day take 10-15 minutes to meditate.

Is it worth it?

Don’t argue with a fool, they will drag you down with them. It’s not worth it. Keep in mind, people with a lower vibration than yours are going through a lot . These people have issues, they might be struggling with depression, mental illness, family issues, drug abuse and so on. There’s a reason why they are not vibrating higher. So you have to ask yourself is it really worth arguing with them? let us answer that for you, NO it is not. You have goals and plans you’re working on. You have no time to let negative energy affect you. It’s not worth it girl.