“ I truly appreciate all the support and love. As you know, I have been very open about my struggle with social anxiety. I want to continue to be healthy and to make music for y’all, so I have decided to cut down some of the dates on the tour.” Said the 23 year old “Girls Need Love” singer.

Summer goes on to say that the tour doesn’t coexist with her social anxiety and introverted personality. As an introvert myself, I totally understand where Summer is coming from. She also stated that she is a person with feelings, she get tired, sad, and it’s a lot.

“ I don’t want to lose myself for someone else. I want to give y’all what I can, so I’m going to keep making music and I’m going to do a few shows, but I can’t finish.”

More women should consider choosing their mental health over wealth. Now, I’m not saying stay in your bed for weeks and not make a single dollar, absolutely not. But know when enough is enough. Know when it’s time to rest, when it’s time to take a break, when it’s time to say no, when it’s time to put yourself first. You can not pour from an empty cup. So many of us are trying to show our talent to the world but forget what we need in order to show our talent. We need our mind, energy, and body. Rest up sis!

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Isolation is an experience that can be felt either emotionally or physically and self-imposed intentionally or unintentionally. For some people-especially those more introverted- it is almost a requirement to take some time away from others in order to recharge and breathe. Too much time in isolation, however, can wreak havoc on our mental stability. According to Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, social isolation is twice as harmful as obesity to our mental and physical health. To put that in perspective, obesity kills more people than smoking and car crashes combined.

Isolation may contribute to poor cognitive functioning and decline, negativity, depression, and physical health issues. It interferes with an individual’s ability to form stable and trusting relationships with others. When people feel socially isolated, however, they tend to try and fill the void in numerous ways. These include reminiscing about past relationships, connecting with fictional characters in television and books, or bonding with pets. 

Defining Social Isolation

    Isolation can manifest as the following:

• Keeping important issues, feelings, and experiences to ourselves. Over the last two decades, the number of people saying they have no one to discuss important matters with has almost tripled. Researchers have found that this may stem from a loss in communal and neighborhood ties where connections are more superficial, geographically spread out, and one-dimensional.
• Consistently retreating to the home and declining invitations to dinners, social events, hanging by family and friend’s homes, etc.
• Physically avoiding visiting with family members
• Assuming your personal struggles are a burden to others
• Spending an exorbitant amount of time doing hobbies or work that excludes others
• Having little idea of what’s going on with others

Why Are We So Isolated?

In 2019, everyone’s favorite culprit of social isolation is a smartphone and social media. Before that, it was thought to be television and video games. Not everyone spends hours a day in front of those things, however.

Busy Lives

What about mothers who spend a majority of their time watching their young children, cleaning, or running errands? What about the high school teacher who’s time is consumed interacting with teenagers and completing lesson plans? There is a range of different circumstances that contribute to people feeling lonely and isolated. In fact, we tend to feel our circumstances are so different, no one can relate. When these feelings creep up and threaten to make us uncomfortable, some people choose to bury themselves even further into isolated activities, thus creating a perpetual pattern difficult to recognize. 

Changes In Family Time

According to the American College of Pediatricians, family time eating dinner and engaging in distraction-free conversation has declined by about 30%. Family meals provide a structure for the day, giving meaning and context to family members-also allowing opportunity to feel seen and heard. Unfortunately, this sacred time is happening less and less.

Perceived Lack of Social Support

 Whether we feel unequipped to express ourselves, have a deep belief that others are untrustworthy, or the feeling of unloading on others brings great anxiety, it’s easy to assume there’s no one to turn to. It’s easy to assume we’re the only ones going through something-especially when everyone on Instagram looks like they’re winning. 

 What Can We Do?

 There are many reasons why people feel alone, but we have to remember that we cannot make it through life without others. It’s important to remember that there must be a healthy balance between alone time and isolated activities.

• Stop being so critical of yourself. Don’t assume you’re broken, weak, or unworthy of telling others how you feel. While it takes a great deal of strength and courage to express emotions to others, it also takes strength to give yourself some compassion. Grace. Patience. Love. Kindness. All of these are words by which you need to live by.
• Sleep and other self-care measures. Time and time again, sleep is encouraged by professionals to combat illness and as a preventative measure for many ailments. Although not always easy to come by-when opportunity arises to grab more zzz’s, it’s important to jump on it.
• Therapy. Check out what kind of mental health care your insurance covers or research some free therapy services in your area. Perhaps depression and anxiety is the underlying cause of your isolation. Also, therapy isn’t a hit it-and-quit-it type of thing. Once you find a therapist you’re comfortable with, make it a point to go at least twice a month for several months.

• Get uncomfortable and force yourself to reach out to family and friends-or strangers in an online support group. It’s amazing the amount of support that is out there. You just have to take the first step and seek it out.

Boredom and depression often accompany each other and share several similarities. When boredom hits, people seek out activities and experiences that will relieve the discomfort felt when it seems there’s nothing to do. The definition of boredom is as follows:

Boredom: the state of being weary and restless through lack of interest.

Similarly, weariness, restlessness, and general lack of interest are all feelings associated with being depressed. People who are depressed consistently feel as if they cannot easily entertain themselves, nor do they find joy in the things many people find pleasurable. The American Psychatric Association, (APA) however, holds that loss of energy, increased fatigue, feeling worthless, or little interest in activities once enjoyed are just some of the symptoms that must be present for a diagnosis of depression. Furthermore persistence of these feelings within a two week period is key. Boredom alone tends to be fleeting or sporadic.

According to the theory of rational-emotive therapy, people who are depressed and chronically bored cannot tolerate being frustrated in the slightest, cannot stand working for long-range gains, and need immediate gratification. Perhaps these people become depressed over time, when they can’t readily find outlets exciting enough to relieve their boredom. 

Clinical psychologist, Dr. Leslie Becker-Phelps says, “People who feel bored feel restless to do something– but nothing feels compelling or motivating. They feel stuck. The first step in feeling motivated is to allow yourself to actually feel the boredom.” 

She goes on to say that boredom is felt when people disconnect from the world to avoid difficult situations and emotions. Take for instance the pathological gambler, studies show there are three types of gamblers: those that gamble out of boredom, those that gamble out of depression, and those that do so out of both boredom and depression. It is widely acceptable that people who are compulsive towards activities such as gambling, drinking or sex are doing so as a form of disconnection. Ironically, these people still tend to feel bored afterwards, motivated only to disconnect again to relieve the discomfort of never-ending boredom.

Becker-Phelps also says, “For some people, boredom is part of depression. They might be sad, but they also might just lack interests and have lost the capacity to enjoy anything. If you struggle with this, it can sometimes help to get yourself moving.” Douglas Cootey lives with both depression and ADHD. He admits in his efforts to avoid boredom, he ended up getting into trouble (i.e. not finishing things, and engaging in unnecessary drama.) Instead of these maladaptive coping behaviors, it’s important to change the way you look at boredom, especially when the boredom is unavoidable like in a class or sitting in traffic.

He says, “Choose three things to engage in when you are bored.” For many, these things come up naturally without even realizing. For instance, browsing social media to pass the time, or calling your mother to share how your day is going while you sit in traffic. If you can consistently find positive or neutral ways to pass the time without feeling an impending sense of dread at the end of the day- you are likely just bored. If you can still enjoy people and activities you’ve always enjoyed or find new things that interest you- you may just be bored. If you get lost in feelings of irritation or purposelessness when trying to engage in formerly enjoyable things- you’re probably dealing with some form of depression.