I’m a single Black mom and I am unashamedly so. I remember when I first discovered that I was pregnant, I was single at the time. Looking for some encouragement, I turned to the internet. Sadly, what I found was a ton of unwarranted vitriol and disrespect thrown towards Black single moms in particular. I found quote-unquote statistics used to back up the discrimination and hatred towards Black single moms. All I kept thinking was why? What crime had Black single moms committed to deserve it? Especially because Black single moms become single moms for various reasons. For me, it was so my son could grow up in a healthy environment versus around two parents in a toxic relationship. It was so that he could learn what healthy love looks like.
Almost 1 year and 8 months since embarking on this journey, I don’t, I repeat I don’t regret my decision to become a single mom. It has been at least speaking for myself worth it. I have learned so much about myself and life. Single motherhood pushed me to find my voice and to speak up for myself and my son. It taught me how to make a little go a long way. It helped me to honor my truest self. It demanded that I pursue every dream and goal knowing that my son is always watching my every move. It taught me not to fear to be alone. It helped me shed any ounce of shame or guilt that I felt because of other’s negative opinions about me. It taught me how to surrender and to let go of what and who no longer belongs in my life. It taught me not to settle in any aspect of my life.
Yes, there have been many tears cried silently at night but I remind myself of a few things and I want to remind other single Black moms of a few things too. For one we are not statistics and we are not tragically single mothers. Nor do we need rescuing or have to stop pursuing our dreams, goals, and aspirations for the rest of our lives. In fact, pursue all of them with reckless abandonment. I want to remind other single Black moms that you are enough. You just the way you are is enough for you, and for your child or children. Also, you are not a statistic or a number. In fact, you are not who they say you are. You are so much more. I want to remind other Black single moms that every single thing you do matters and you matter. You have made it this far in the journey, so please keep going. Even when you don’t know what to do, take the next step forward and the next step and the next. Just whatever you do, please keep going. Find the joy, in most of your days. Laugh, smile because you deserve to. Give yourself permission to be who you want to be in any given moment. I want to remind other Black single moms that we are not defined by our marital status, past, or what others say. Finally, if you know other Black single moms don’t be afraid to reach out, form support groups and make new friends. The journey does not have to be lonely.
I hope this encourages you!
Sincerely from one single Black mom to another.
